Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Life Must Go On ...

Today's been a pretty crappy & bummy day for me.

I've been really stressing out lately, a lot. Especially at night when all is quiet. Instead of sleeping like I'm supposed to, my brain starts thinking of all this nonsense mumbo jumbo. Why can't my brain just not care and fall asleep like it's supposed to?!!??! No! It stays awake at night, thinking about all the payments that are coming up, the past due bills, how my car is low on gas, how we're hosting Thanksgiving at my house, how the mortage is coming up in 2 weeks, we're running low on groceries and that there is no money in our bank account. NOTHING!!! Kind of sad... So I'm just walking around, tossing and turning thinking to myself how the heck will we get through this???

I know I should count my blessings, and I do. I really, really do. I truly and genuinely appreciate everything my dear God has blessed me with, beginning with and including Life itself, Health, Love and Family. Those are things money can't buy. And to be truthful, in that department, thanks be to God, I am good. And I am truly grateful because like I said, those are all things money can't buy. And money is what my problems seem to be about these days. And don't get me wrong. Yes, I'll definitely take money problems any day of the week over health problems, or family problems, life and death issues, and divorcing due to lack of love... I am definitely a lucky gal and I am a millionaire in blessings. I have been happily married to my wonderful husband for almost 11 years, we have 2 great daughters, the perfect dog and our very own house. We're all healthy and in love. We love spending time with each other, no major health problems or the like. We're most definitely rich.... IN SPIRIT.

But when it comes down to the nitty gritty, the cold, hard cash reality.... Well, let's just say we are broke. And not just broke, but broke broke!!! B.R.O.K.E.!>!>!>!

I spent all day at the Workforce office setting up my profile, creating my resume and searching job openings. I've been e-mailing prospective employers left and right... Hopefully I can soon get a call back and find myself on my way to a 9 - 5 pretty soon. YUCK!!! Typing that left a sour taste on my fingers. I really don't want to go back to a 9-5, I love spending time at home with my girls and having dinner ready for them when I pick them up from school. I love being available when the nurse calls that my daughter's head hurts and she's crying. No prob. I just run out the door and pick her up within 5 minutes time. Field trip, no prob. I'm there! Early release, days off... Come to momma! But unfortunately this cruel, cruel world is actually expecting me to pay my bills, and give people money in exchange for food and gas... damn it! So I must start working! Again, yuck!

Now mind you, I didn't know that our situation was that bad. Hubby had just been like Well if you wanna work that's ok, if not we'll just cut back on some things. Well now it's changed to we can't make the payments unless I work........... But that all comes about because he just had his hours cut at work. I guess I should be happy he HAS a job. Now I need to get a job, and 2 paychecks will be better than one. Right????

(((((( Enter BIG sigh here )))))))))))

Please, no pitty party. I guess this is just my way of venting out, releasing my frustrations, taking out some of the stress... It happens to the best of us, and now more than ever. I know there are many, many families out there in worse situations. But this is something that I am dealing with at the moment, and it's not really something I want to talk to somebody in person about. So thank you all for listening/reading.

(((( enter more sighs here)))))

Now I'm off to read your posts to brighten up my day!!!
That's one of the many reasons I love blogging. I just cleared out everything off my chest and now I get to go brighten up my day with your stories!



Rachel said...

Oh girl do I not feel you! And I am you. I know exactly how you are feeling.
Money doesn't buy love, health or happiness but it sure makes things a little easier.

But like you I wouldn't trade my love for my hubby, my healthy family for any money in the world. they can take my house, they can take my car, (just give me a lil rum) and we will have each other.

I have no idea how much longer I will have a job and my husband is a stock broker and the market is ugly so all we can do is give back to those less fortunate and be blessed for what we do have!

Love ya girl...keep you head up!

Mamarazzi said...

awww me it is NOT just you. everyone is feeling it. we have never worked so hard and still been broke. i can't sleep either. with the holidays coming it makes it even harder. we all want to do grand things for our families but when even just the basics are a little out of reach it causes major stress and anxiety.

come to my blog. i posted a video that might make you smile. i have watched it several times and it most def picked me up!


Joy said...

Funny you mention this when hubs and I just had a major conversation about our money or lack there of today!

I am trying everything I know to save money, clipping coupons and doing the CVS thing are helping alot. But there always seems to be more bills than money.

I hear ya on the 9-5 I watch a little girl to make a bit of money it helps some and I can get out of it if I want to go on a field trip, and she goes with me to pick Wyatt up at school.

I just feel like I will be ripping Abby off of special time with me that Wyatt got since I didn't work, I can't do that to her. I am thinking though once she starts trying to find something more perminant. I would LOVE to get a job at his school that would be the perfect answer for me.

So trust me when I say I feel you pain, it SUCKS I HATE being broke all the time!!

Diane said...

I don't sleep either. I feel your pain. No pity... just good thoughts coming your way!

PS... don't read my Writer's Workshop post this week... it's depressing... but read the Wordful Wednesday one... it's funny :)

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I feel your pain, truly. We both work full time and it's still a struggle. Good luck finding a job that works well for your family!