Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Keep Your Hormones under Control Boys

So picture this.
My cell phone rings.
I answer,

Me: "Hello?"

Other Voice: "Hello. Is this Monkey?"

Me: "No. This is Monkey's Mother. Did you want to talk to Monkey?"

Other Voice: "Yes"

Me: "Ok. Well who is this?"

Other Voice: "This is so&so, a BOY friend"

Me: ( very startled that a cootie filled, hormonal little BOY is calling my sweet, innocent 9 year old little GIRL) "Who?" I ask again, because of course my ears were obviously deceaving me! No boy is calling my girl, right?

Other Voice: "My name is So&So. Remember me?... you've seen me walking home from school. You know, the one that's waving his hands up & down like a bird all the way home"

Me: I chuckle. Hearing him tell the story seems much funnier to me, so I chuckle. Yeah. I know who this little twirp is. This is that weird little boy. Monkey and I talk about him while driving home. She must have told him we do, otherwise how would he know that I know of his existence. Little weirdo. So after I stopped chuckling at the mental picture he conjured up in my head, I answered "Um, yes... she's here. Hold on just a sec..."

So I call my daughter and pass her the phone.
However, she is soooooooo not allowed to talk to cootie filled, hormonal little boys, but me always wanting to give others the benefit of the doubt so I just figured it had something to do with school. You know, there is a science fair coming up & they were set up with partners, so maybe it's about that.

So Monkey gets the phone. She looks even MORE perplexed than I was. And she was scared. I could so tell she was shitting bricks, because I was of course listening to every single word of their 20-second conversation. She knows how I feel about boys liking girls at this age. It is completely unacceptable. Boys have cooties and she should stay as far away from them as humanly possible. Granted, 1 of her best friends is a boy. But there's none of that liking shit. Seriously just friends.

Ok, so on with this cootie filled, hormonal little boy's conversation with my daughter.
It was pretty much who is this?
How did you get my number?
What do you want?
(what a polite daughter I have, huh? Imagine calling someone & they answer you with a 'what do you want?' 'why are you calling me?' kind of shit)

Once she got to the "What do you want?" part and I heard it had NOTHING to do with school, just because, that is when I yanked the phone from her hand so hard that I think she has a bruise as a result. Nah! Just kidding. My baby's so good, she herself handed me the phone and then I continued the conversation with said cootie filled, hormonal little boy.

Me: "So&So. This is Monkey's mother again. Listen. She's not allowed to talk to cootie filled, hormonal little boys like you on the phone at all. I just handed her the phone because I thought this was school related. And since it's not..."

So&So: " Oh. Yes. I understand. ok"

Me: "Ok then. She'll see you at school tomorrow. But no more calling her on the phone." Or I'll sick my rabies-filled dog on you. Or better yet, my husband owns a gun & he's not afraid to use it!

No, I didn't say those last 2 sentences, although I was tempted. =D That would teach him not to call my sweet & innocent little Monkey again. Ever!

Seriously though, where are these kids' mothers? Do they not have any idea what their child is doing? Or do they & they just don't care? Or am I overreacting? If anybody thinks yes, forget you! I don't care. I'm the momma and I'ma protect my young.

No cootie filled, hormonal little boys are allowed anywhere near my precious little daughters! Is that loud and clear for ya? You CANNOT call my house. You CANNOT call my cell phone. You CANNOT come over to my house. You CANNOT cruise by my house. You CANNOT so much as even look at my house. You CANNOT even think of anything else that would remotely involve either of my 2 little girls.

Did I make myself clear? Or do I have to sick Daddy & his rifle on your little ass?

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