This Leader is Going Bananas ! ! !

As if I didn't know it before, this weekend has only helped me confirm that being a Girl Scout Troop Leader is...Way tooooooo much responsibility!
Not so sure if I can continue to handle it.

I love my girls (at least all the ones that were in my troop last year)
We've made great memories together.
The new girls that I accepted into the troop I'm sure will grow on me with time too.
It's just that we've only been together for 2 meetings so far, love needs time.
I try my best in all I do for the girls, but (big BUT) I am a new Leader.
I've only been doing this for a bit over half a year.
I know that I'm not perfect.
I have no previous experience at all.
But I try my absolute best for them, so they can get the best experience ever.
And so far, the girls love it. They always tell me how they can't wait 'til next week. Some even say meetings should be every day!
That's nice I tell them. Shows they like what I do for them. But there's a big difference between like and appreciate...

So again, thanks to this weekend, this volunteering thing... I'm not so sure it's working out.
I have a luv/hate relationship with it. Yesterday I just had the worst scare of my life thanks to this volunteering obsession of mine ! ! ! Thank God things turned out fine in the end, but that moment of panic, I do not ever want to experience that ever again!
That terrible experience made me realize how much responsibility I really do have on my hands when I have the girls with me.
You always assume things will never happen, everything's under control. But if something did, I am responsible ! And you always think that cannot and never will happen to you, but yesterday I received my wake up call. It can happen!
Do I really need that additional responsibility?!?!?
Not so sure I can continue to handle it. Like I said, things turned out fine in the end, but what if they hadn't?!?!? What if ..... Oh God, I don't even want to imagine!
I think I need to have a talk with my Council person and get lots of questions answered... then and only then will I know if I can continue to volunteer.

I know that when I've previously thought it wasn't worth it, I'd read this poem. I can really relate and it touches me in a very special way each and every time I read it. Especially in the area where I volunteer, the girls don't get many experiences, and I know thanks to me, they've done things they never would have imagined. So I will continue reading this poem until I can talk to my mentor over at GS.


Girl Scout Leader
Contributed by Deborah Gaudier

"I must be crazy,
I'm out of my mind,"
I say every week
Before meeting time.

Four will show up
And eight will not call;
I really don't know
Why I do this at all.

We make plans for camp.
Two nights and three days.
It takes them an hour
To choose grape Kool-Aid!

Not worth it, I think.
Do they care, I ask?
It's just what I need,
One more thankless task.

Then one of them smiles
And rolls out the dough.
"My mother won't let me
Bake cookies, you know."

We mop up the paint.
And I hear from one,
"Let's do it again
I had so much fun."

The first time away
In tents in the rain
One hugs me and says
"I'm so glad I came."

So when I feel low
And ask myself "Why?"
I try to picture
The look in that eye.

The grin on that face,
That one homemade card
-A leader's reward -
A little girl's heart.


Isn't that such a nice poem? It fits me to a T.

Anyways, I'm sorry for this little rant that probalby doesn't make much sense... I just had to get it out of my system. And well, this here is my outlet . . . . . . . . . . .