Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?

Ok, that game show rocks!!!
And you know why?
Because we are all obviously unintelligent human beings that are not smarter than a 5th grader, 'cause really, has anybody actually been smarter than a 5th grader on that show?

Which brings me to my following point. And to make my point clear I am writing my 5th grade daughter's teacher a letter.

Dear Monkey's 5th grade teacher,
How lovely that you are already giving my Monkey homework on her 2nd week of school. Thank you! Really, thank you because apparently Princess' teacher has felt no need to assign her any homework as of yet except for the 30 min of reading. You are much more responsible Mr. Monkey's 5th grade teacher. A lot more responsible than Mrs. Princess' 3rd grade teacher. So for that I truly thank you!
Now, I do hope that you did notice that I thanked you for giving Monkey homework. Right? Then why, oh why do I feel like if you're assigning me homework?!?!?!
Ummm. I would like to point out, I am not in your class. Ok. Just for the record.
Now, my beautiful daughter Monkey is. So it is absolutely fine with me that you assign her homework, I would just appreciate it if you left me out of it!
Now don't get me wrong. I am an active parent. I was there for 'Meet the Teacher' night, remember? I signed up to help out during field trips, remember? I even signed up to provide your entire class with paper plates, napkins & cups needed for class parties, remember? All this involvement from my part and my daughter has really only been in your class for 6 days. Pretty impressive, huh?
However, I do not ever recall signing up for homework. See, the problem is this:
Monkey comes home with algebra problems to solve. You impress me! Algebra in 5th grade. Wow! Again, thank you for challenging my daughter. That speaks very highly of you, your teaching method & your high expectancies from my daughter & her classmates. She can do it! I know she can!
However, she's under the impression that when she gets stuck with a problem, she can turn to me for help. Umm, yeah! ME.
That Mr. Monkey's 5th grade teacher is not cool! See, up until now I've been the all mighty, all knowing, turn to with problems mom. I could help her with everything ! Yes I know, I rock! Luckily Monkey agrees. But I have a feeling that you, yes you Mr. Monkey's 5th grade teacher will be the ugly black force that will change that. After all, I did have to think really hard, and I mean really hard on 1 of those problems I helped Monkey with today. And it's just the beginning of the year, so from experience I know they will only get harder. And harder. And harder. Until it gets impossible for me to continue with my supermom powers & I will no longer be able to help my daughter with her homework. After all, along with many americans in this wonderful country, I am not smarter than a 5th grader. So you see Mr. Monkey's 5th grade teacher. This is a problem that needs to be addressed. Sure, I could pick up a book and refresh my algebra, but as stated earlier. Why should I get stuck with the homework? Know what I mean?
So I propose that .... well, I'm not so sure what I propose. Just solve this problem so as to not, I repeat not send me homework. And just for the record, let's set this straight.

Monkey is in your class.
I am not.
OK?

homework for Monkey= yes
homework for Monkeys Mother= no! NO! no!

There. I feel much better.
Now that this problem has been brought to your attention I very much expect that you as the teacher will be figuring out a way to resolve this issue. And Pronto!
Kapeish!

Sincerely,
Monkey's SuperMom